what we don’t want to grow
i don’t want to water
what springs up
i don’t want, poison and bitters
shadows and sharp edges
i want to see the sun
i want to notice the flowers
and not give air time
to the negative thoughts
and the prodding past
but the past is not years ago
it’s yesterday
it’s early this morning
when tears sting my eyes
when the lump in my throat
reminds me of you
when words don’t string together
i can’t hold a pen
or a conversation
i know the pricking spines
cover my water stores
fend off the vultures
who will feed off of my rot
i know the panic, is release
my body speaks
it cries for attention
i carries my load
but i don’t want to water,
what springs up
can i look at pain
with compassion
can i look at me
like i look at you
can i look at this
like the desert cactus
like the crippled cat
like the lady on the corner
my water is wasted
on empty sand
on a dying animal
my money will be gone
to feed her addiction
why give water to the birds
flowers to the dead
and pennies to the fountain?
pain plants, what we don’t want to grow
i don’t want to water what springs up
pull out the bitter
air out the anger
write and talk and sing
bitter words
shameful memories
ugly imagination
emotion feels like wasted energy
it feels selfish and wrong
it’s hard to say i did this
hard to admit i chose
it hurts to say you hurt me
it’s hard to say i hurt
pain plants, and will grow
and i will weed or water what springs up
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