all the colors are a different tone

don’t you know

my world flipped upside down.

and nothing is the same.

did you know

everything feels different?

all the colors are a different tone.

and i can’t breathe when im alone.

i hear it underneath

life is bittersweet. 

lump in your throat pt.1

give me your words

lean in, lean close

i know it can be hard

to talk w/ emotion

it can be stuck, 

a lump in your throat.

tell me the truth

is it hard to wake up? 

is it hard to sleep.

is summer bittersweet.

when you can’t shake the feeling

pain has a way, of infiltrating

of filtering and tainting

the color of everything.

June 2019

lump in your throat pt. 2

lump in my throat

bruised knee

and sore muscles

you are a breeze

and i am a puzzle

i push and i struggle

w/ the smallest things.

eyes on the sky

hands in the garden

kiss me, unharden

my bitter heart.

notice the trees,

let go of the rotten

i’ll bring back forgotten

dreams and restart.

July 2019

a deep jade

dark blue wondering 

palest, softest moonlight

casts light in lines

i can see your face

a little clearer in the dark. 

enough to see

the line,

between your eyebrows

tired thoughts

pastel emotions

dim and stirred 

confusing at night. 

too heavy for now. 

a conversation 

we don’t want to start. 

but refuses to fade. 

dark purple. 

grays and shadows.

a deep jade, 

you are still so beautiful

when you cry. 

do not drown my love

your fears sting me

but don’t scare me away. 

every shade of blue

bright early hour

indirect light

clear and cold

snow doesn’t shimmer,

like last nights moon cast

but it’s soft in the morning.

my list is getting long

all the ways i could be better

make my edges softer

my emotions not reactive 

my eyes more steady.

i know you'll take me as i am

but i don’t want to be

how i am.

i want to stand like the sycamore.

change like the sky.

every color and mood

every shade of blue 

no stress, just shifting light. 

none of them alarming. 

did i cross it an hour ago

ideas and trains of thought.

what is and what’s next and what may be.

what we did and what we’re doing.

tied up, headache and heartbeat. 

try to wrap my head around, understand. 

too much. 

compress and condense. try to be steady. feeling and energy, it is pressure, white emotion.

yellow sparks of anger. where does the hurt come from. what lights the fire.

why does it just happen, when i don’t care. i don’t think. my emotions just speak. 

and the more i speak the less i am heard.

too much

the lump, the haze

the fog, the cloud 

a fist in my stomach

something i cannot say

but cannot swallow

it’s a prick 

a sharp pain 

when i cross that line.

where is it. i have no idea. 

is it ten minutes, is it one minute. 

did i cross it an hour ago. 

hints

taken in by crocodiles

raised by wolves

before stepping into light 

found by the foxes 

kissed by morning

seen by the sunrise,

the outline of last nights moon.

crocodile tears

and saltwater fears,

rusted gears.

slips by,

hints

stubborn lips

graceful hips.

whispered word

soft explanation 

early bloom

quiet room

im the the sun

you’re the moon

shutter speed

shutter speed

not quick enough

to take the moment

the look on your face

the look on your face

the look on your face

it blows me away

the look on your face

the look on your face

it’s pushed me away

shutter speed

light paints

translates to ink 

not enough

to capture the smile

to capture the grief

good grief

once in a blue moon 

steal my thunder

go toe to toe

fight with me

take the sour

with a grain of salt.

the bitter words do fade. 

see eye to eye

good grief

lighten up

heavy heart 

see change,

soft orange 

blue hues.  

catnap in warmth

sleep on it

dream that you, 

trip to the sun 

face the music

and come on home.