nov. 17th

on the edge of 28 years

it’s a little achy

i hold my breath in, even slightly

even when i’m relaxed

i’ve wanted to be older

i’ve thanked the stars, 

shocked that i’m here another year

and i want to be here every year

but it still feels strange

and i still don’t like my birthday 

but i want it

it’s uncomfortable, all the love

the words, the attention

lucky to have it, many dont 

it’s just what i want, what i don’t want

just what i need

but i don’t need anything 

when you touch me, 

my earth cracks

my muscles breathe

my heart beats

when you love me,

it shocks me

you are love- 

but i’m shocked it’s me here

in your waterfall

splashing my face 

in that healing 

that safety

i can’t think about getting older

i can’t think about one of us leaving

because neither one of us would be okay

a permanent change 

i could build a life, make a way

find beauty and experience

the way you’ve taught me so much about 

but i think about that,

and i feel the earth flip

i already feel the wound,

that’s bigger than the sky