the pain it dances underneath

the pain was sharp, 

it was waves

it was anger

it blew smoke in our eyes

tears and over-communication

fighting in the emergency room

shielding pain with a yell

losing sight 

of the reason we’re here 

i am ready to tell the story 

to every person i see

to shake the shoulders

to yell and talk fast

i can’t do this

if i tell it again, 

maybe ill fall over

maybe ill drop dead

maybe ill fall 

to my knees and cry 

the weeks have blurred

dulled the newness 

and worn the shock 

energetic anger 

not so quick to show it’s face

the pain now,

it’s like drops of blood 

here and there

subtle, but stained

it’s not washing out

drops of water 

salty like sweat 

or hidden tears 

it’s more like a secret 

on the back burner 

preoccupied thoughts

under everything

remembering what happened

i can’t believe i forgot, for a minute

ill tell the story 

to too many friends

but they don’t care enough

they don’t cry or yell

is it just a person to pity 

a story to share 

something interesting

that happened this week 

they keep living,

but we keep feeling the pain 

i see it

the corners of your mouth

the color of your eyes 

the edge of your spirit

and the tone of your hello 

subtle and slow

it still speaks

it still stabs 

looks like boredom

numb or annoyed

or tired and sad 

sometimes it’s anger 

sometimes it’s grief 

the pain it dances underneath