Sister

sister 
you are sun in the morning 
little mountains in the desert
you are dusty trails
and laughter up to cross mountain
green shorts and honest eyes
sister, you are right here
talking on the corner downtown
on the streets of stories
in between the past and future
on the edge of the water 
where you will jump
the splash will cover everyone
sister, you are sunglasses
and red wine and animal crackers
you are bleeding tattoos 
you're stacks of pancakes
when we sit on the cement 
i choke on my honest words
where we cry every forgotten tear. 
sister i would like to say 
i'll follow you home 
and live your day
but i will travel back
and you'll journey home
take our book of Beautiful Things 
write them all down
and don't see me cry 
when we hug goodbye. 

Greyhound

i stood in line
tears sting my eyes
'cause i'm not used to crying 
and you weren't there to notice
so i call your name 
and i close my eyes
when it all blurs past
and sing the same words again
how do you do it?
you're the only one
who can throw colors across the sky
spread so magnificent the blues 
& white clouds
sun sinking over the grapevine
are you even listening? 
that smile makes me undone
the laughter is ridiculous
or maybe i'm too serious
but these fears are in my stomach
intertwined with hope
knotted up like rope
can i laugh? just help me cope
to smile and cry  
and paint the sky
i sure have tried, and yes i hide
in the middle of the bus
and stare at your sky 

Water Running

water running 
wild and random
in all the ditches that were dry 
in all the drought inside my mind
water running 
down my throat
in all the veins that were tired
in the dust i've acquired 
water running 
sounds like your voice
humming all the things i've cried
making light the heavy eyes
i'm floating where i've always tried
to sink, to disappear, to hide 
i'm riding with you now
i ripple through this current 
in all the places that were dry
i'm water running wild 

Hope

holocene
hollow me 
make space for tomorrow 
cry me empty 
leave me full of 
things not yet real
morning dawn unseen
roads not walked on
under my feet
your words
when we talk again
i listen and walk with them
songs unheard
i sing them already

shame covers your eyes
and heavies your shoulders
and hope points ahead
and takes you up the mountain

Miles

i see your feet beneath me
though they haven't walked as many miles
one says loved, one says lover
and that is what you are 

Clouds

earth so moving 
rain on the damned
the lost, losing
we bend our heads back
with open mouths
i thirst, i thirst
you know the feeling
when the wine was gone
and your brothers fled
the clouds had bled
on the saints and the stained
and you broke your bread
for all my days

Filtered Fire

stars surreal
ocean roars in the dark
should we speak or sing
the praises of this life
blurred words
your eyes though
clear like the moon
whiskey filtered fire
there is no desire
i have not felt
there is no name
i would not shout
there is no pain
i cannot hide
there is no friend
i'd rather sit by

Lassen

cold and clear cut 
liquid eyes
expectation with the rise
of each branch on the wind

i'm a half breathing bird 
with no memory of joy
i'm the thrill on the ledge
on the edge of the void
these fault lines jagged 
through my bones
these stars don't flicker
when you're not home
so quick to fall apart.

and each careful step 
under quiet pines
i listen for you, i will find
your voice, no words
your hand in mine

Animal

braided and tangled

i've seen the stomp

the drumbeat inside 

feathers and fire

mane and desire

nothing can feed you

and nothing can keep you

and no mountainside

is wide enough

to guide your restlessness

to swallow your scenery

you see that river?

where lions bleed 

and babies splash 

so brightly born and 

crying for more

i'm swimming the river

and fighting the deep

wanting to swim 

and needing to sink 

you see that river?

where lions cry 

and you will splash

so brightly born and 

crying for more

Song

flecks of light

stars above hang in the balance

holding it's breath
between sunset and dawn

each moment a pause
i wait for the song

to break through the dark
to cover me softly 
&
the rain wakes me up

hear, the heartbeat is strong

and my hands are no longer

shaking 
my heart once again is 
breaking
but the song of the morning
breathtaking 

Faces

tangible
concrete beneath me
quiet and engaged
in every breathe
like cigarettes
like coffee and constellations
in sharp winter air
you are fully there
when my eyes are wide
when my words are small
and my fingers hurt 

intangible
when my words are violent 
rocks thrown hard
rippling on the lake
scaring the birds
your words are swimming 
underwater
they're stirring the leaves
they're running from me
i'll shut my eyes to hear
i'll climb the hill and see you there
i will know your many colors and faces
i will see or hear or feel the traces
your forms and your flavors
are my daily bread

Dirt

plow with brighest silver
resharpened
these once were swords
but now i am a farmer
dirt tosses and turns
rake and refine
it's funny what you find
when you are digging.
like wooden boxes as a child
buried deep with your secrets
pesos and gold ribbons
and pieces of blue porcelain
milk glass and metal
traces of tornado
so we dig up the dead
pink granite bricks
indian clay
and poison ivy fences
it seems you weren't aware of this
and none of us can carry this

plow with brightest silver
resharpened
these once were swords
but now i'm a farmer
the dirt is dark earth
raw and inviting
awaken my senses
like coffee and constellations
every book you've never read
swallow me into this
i'll give all that i have

bury the tree of life
bury the seeds you find
and the speck will grow
into much better things

Skywalker Hill

streams of new depths
teem with bright fish
silver and gleaming
they run with the rivers
and into my chest

ever leaning
into to this
knowing all the thoughts that kiss
my mind are all renewing

my eyes squint at 7am
when truth won't make sense
the golden hill hints
that the mountains are shrinking
when i walk on the sky
the pine trees will glance
at my face so entranced
by this morning arrival

Ocean Drains

blue like the mountains 
blue like the sea, blue like sky
all the things are marked and measured
but you still don't know when it will rain
and you'll never know where the ocean drains

the water fills me up 
and yes it runs out 'til i don't care
leaks through the cracks (they've always been there)
but i don't know anyone quite like you
who is so happy when i sit down
to notice the birds and the clouds
and the specks on cold concrete 
and i think i'm only crying with relief
that you are here, not just there

you are here, not just there

Glimmer

i long for 
your hands on my shoulders
i'm not getting older 
i'll stay right here
i long for my hands to feel
the texture of tree trunks growing
to pick on guitar strings
that run with your voice
to sing with my eyes shut
drown out the noise

the way you sail
the way you go down
glittering in my throat
glimmer in my eyes
you're the pain at sunrise

i love the way you are there
the way you go down
the sigh in my throat
relief in my lungs
you are the peace at sunrise

Tangled Blue

your words are wild
like the tangled blue
my backpack is light
when i walk with you
and i'll push you,
'cause i want you near
your voice i think i need to hear
roar like a thousand lions
like a thousand waterfalls
renewing the mind 

swing wide
you stubborn
rusty doors
open, ribcage
wide enough
to resurrect anew
wash the fading hues
reinvent my rivers
your eyes 
they give me shivers
You see right through the blue

October Embers

bright leaves falling, fire on the wind
i've seen you grow golder 
i've seen you ascend 
each amber drop 
from the sunrise you bring
told me to laugh
and taught me to sing

You are the water through fern canyon
tides on long island, dreams in the mountains
trinidad speaks of your restart
new songs are humming inside your throat
redwoods are growing inside your heart
your visions like lassen dragonflies,
october embers burn in your eyes
hold his hand tightly, music inside
october will always
find you alive

Eden

dust and dirt my every entry
before life there was earth
darkest soil, planting pretense
potential coursing, gritty roots

rise up, son
i'll teach you to breathe
like the greening garden inhales
striking blue river roar
cold and contrast, engraving Eden

Me

someday you will know me
you'll sing all my songs
you will gasp at the colors
of the tattoos
on my arms

Honeycomb

some words seep

down to the bones

they get past the walls 

and the locks

and the stones

some words drip

like sap in the sun

oil on head

bright on the honeycomb

some words stick 

the song's in my head

and the smile's on my face

when we talk on the phone

Rushing Wind

they come at night 

kids with crowbars 

to scream and rage 

and break the pane 

til the cops come to fake

and see if im okay

but im fine-

and while i learn to fly

down the concrete hill

let that rushing wind

clear out the dust

from my broken lungs

break open my rib cage

and steal my beating heart.

and you come in the morning 

when my peace has drained

my mind filled with promise

broken again 

heavy doses of pain 

i'm ready to take

but you drank that cup

and passed me the grace

in a heavy mug.

and i take a deep breath-

that rushing wind,

it makes all the difference.

Boulders

the garden grows wild

the graveyard is ours

each tear to water 

the stepping stones

monuments 

and cornerstones

in a breaking home

each laugh to cut 

the cold clear streams 

through granite boulders

each yell to shake 

the earth beneath

each word for me to hang on 

each drop for me to drink

run to make the foxes flee

smoke the song in memory

each footstep a way to realize

i began to seek and find 

and my life began to break me 

and i know the days 

they got too dark 

for us to see 

but i'm okay with waking up 

to pounding feet

slamming screens 

children's voices 

and all my choices 

fade to green 

April

sunlight is new and old
renewing of the mind
is pain and breaking
grace fills the spaces
the empty places
settles in the cracks
of the sidewalk
where the daring things grow

carry my affliction
i'm looking for stepping stones
jumping puddles alive
reflection is shocking
i'm different than before.

Redwood

redwood heart, living and dead
like the twisted tangled forest
the giants only fall
does it even beat at all?
your fingers in the roots
tearing at the rotting fruit
feel the fibers- is it you?
or the blood that's running through
toss and turning like the sea
all the things that shattered me
those arrows bleeding deep
and i only want to breathe.

run through tangled forestry 
and i swear you'll always see the sea

Golden

your footsteps burnt 
holes in the floor
splintered doors
cracks in the ceiling
like the san andreas fault 
and every safe and vault
was robbed and emptied
the floor shook beneath 
laughing at me
proof that it's me 
and my fault lines that bring
this valley to ruin.
i fled to the coast
to find new weather
more viking than victor.

and most days, it's true
i am drunk on disaster
and i swim with the shattered 
sharks to be wild
and i swing with a sword
that i built as a child
but 
your grace makes me golden
i'm no exception
it's looking for hope
it washes me clean
it hurts and it stings
and runs down my face
to drown out the pain
to settle in the breaks
of my thirsty being

Brandy Creek

light filters softly
through these shallows
emerald green water 
not as shallow as me
speaks in the rhythms   
in the ripples from afar
in quiet voices
that i push aside
i've heard that many times
and it still doesn't sink
like the rocks beneath 
bend in reflection
thoughts are hazy
there's no one 
shallow as me 
shallow as me

Coast

(i am the river)

cold clear water 

relieve my tangled thoughts 

relive the battles lost

no longer 

(i am the interstate)

carry me through the night

reaching the other side

recalling the turning tide

no longer 

(i am the mountain range)

follow me on the drive

burn in the back of my mind 

regretting the younger side

no longer 

drive to the cloudy coast

in the morning 

telling me stories

of wide open hearts.

Resurrection

if i had arms

i'd reach across

this great expanse

and hold your hand

if i had legs 

i'd walk the plank 

down the dirt road

into your mercy

if i had a heart

i'd drum the days

and dance in the dark

i'd bleed and understand

if i was brave

i'd surf the disaster

and swim with the sharks

not hide my laughter

if i had a face

i'd paint it with grace

my tears would be real

my eyes would be blue

i'm always reflecting

my half resurrection

i'm still waiting for you

to come into view

Shasta

over the bridges

blue lake brighter

than the sky in June

give me time

to think of words to say

to make you look this way

i'll carry it with you

if you promise to stay.

Dragonflies

sunset around me 
sadness surround me 
and override the madness
falling through the branches 
it clings to humid air
it follows me, i swear

dusk all around me
concrete surround me
to surf the breaking street
burning in between
the sadness underneath
peace: anywhere but here

grace follows you, i swear
i heard it inside
of the quiet goodbye
i saw it glisten
in the corner of your eyes
like dragonflies
just touching the surface 
of serene summer night
the colors of flight 
daring to land 
on the grandest design
rippling lake 
lights up the night 

Maps

mountainside stretches

far and wide

like maps laid out to dry

still wet with ink

heather and sage 

and indian paintbrushes 

trees lean above me

towers and canopies

they listen to me 

and offer no piece

and the flowers just sing

in spite of my flaws

i don't follow the cause

i won't follow your laws

i'd rather see your face

just show me your claws

meet me there

dragonflies in the air

ripples on the lake

sunlight on your hair 

that's just how i feel 

in the deep mountain air 

a thousand small rivers 

run here within

and ten thousand voices

i won't let them in

i've gotta find you 

i've gotta know

rivers are running 

to valleys below

the rocks that i'm throwing 

are sinking beneath 

to drown out the grief 

some sort of relief

and the trail unending 

just leads back to me 

Grace

i need to know 
if grace can reach this far
if sun can set apart 
my silhouette
if days blur into one 
if half written songs can be sung 
i need to know
i am not half-hearted 
it was me that started this fight 
it was you i wrestled all night 
i need to know that my pain has a color 
that bleeds with the sunset 
that my joy swells in the morning,
when i greet the dawn

love unending
love surrendering
grace is erasing
it's me i am facing

white paint over 
the broken places
pictures, faces
i do not regret 
i cannot repent 
and you hug me anyways.

14 miles

wind plays in your hair
the sea shining on your eyes
smalls specks of light
this makes you more alive
walk this path
invite us into this adventure
you will see every broken thing rebuilt
you believe every ship was made to sail

you are a flag in the rubble
colors dance in the darkness
you painted the scars gold
told me never to grow old

that smile has a way
of telling me i'm so wrong
not so strong
so full of shit
but you like me anyways.

June 7th

the spark in your eyes
when the sky lit up 
the pain in your eyes 
when i drank the cup
we came alive
just to survive
and cry to the stars above
i was sent to the river to pray
to bury myself in thoughts
to drown in stubborn battles
to kick against your shoves
do you love me really?
running on the path 
i'm chasing you chasing me
time moves too slowly
and tonight
you will find me
by the fire
waiting for you
to take off the blindfold
grab my hand
break down the walls
awaken my soul

Fountains

those eyes have seen
so many things
witnessed pain and majesty
those eyes glint with trust 
like you know a secret:
his grace is enough
to make you smile.

those eyes remind me 
of walking on water
rain in the morning
boats in the harbor
gardens are growing
because you believe
his grace is enough
to make us smile.

those eyes can say 
so many things
i know you've found
the well to drink
those eyes are fountains
life and tears
and stormy years
don't change that living water
and you go back to find him 
at the well
i know you always say his name
but he likes to say yours more.

Oceans

i see everything
and every morning sees me
every touch deceives me
every color reads me

i see everything
and every evening sees me
every road receives me
no one ever needs me

like flowers in the morning
and brown bottles at night
every thought is past and future
nothing is tonight 

there's a message in this bottle
throw it out to sea
throw it out to see
if it comes back to me

there's a message in this bottle
i'm drinking it to see
i'm drinking it to sea
if oceans can be free

Door

my eyes are soft
i can see everything
the wind under the door
the fire inside
leaves me on the floor
mindless reeling
is not the same as feeling it all.

regret is the pain in my side
the stab of things 
that don't make sense
your dark clothes 
are disappointment
(i can see it in my head)
but you never dress like that
and you've never even said
'i'm done with you.'
(that was me)
i cannot read the scattered signs
maybe i'm blind 
the clouds are divine
things i don't expect 
you give me again and again
my promises are nothing:
your love is everything.

Waves

written in the sand 
all the things i want to say
all the pain in the way 
of me and you

hidden underneath
all the things that i hate
all the waves overtake
me and you

walking on the shore
i throw it all out to sea
all the words in between
me and you