New Sky

don't hide your face
i cannot see you
where you used to be
we pack our things
to find a place
that can't remember 
anything
no yesterday
soft pink sky
cool pavement
spring nights
laughter in your eyes
new things
this is now
don't leave me here.

i run to feel the wind
the blue above, the grass beneath
i turn my face to see the sun
forgetting all the former things

Breathe

do you see the blue mountains?
consuming the sky
red earth burns bright
the river cutting wide
a trail through the valley.

sharp rocks below 
remind me that pain
makes me look at the ground
and not the sky

let go of the words
that echo inside
break those promises
make new ones instead
untie the ropes
open your eyes
breathe deep, 
and i'll breathe deeper.

Stones

sunrise is pain
because i'm undeserving
the dusty light reminds me 
of walks with you
by the coldclear river
on the stepping stones
wondering what makes your eyes light up.

blue like the sky
grey like gunpowder
you are insane, and i am insanity
i'm afraid i'm not afraid of anything
but you.

Raven

close your eyes
hear the music
red and gold
ignore the sound of
disillusion
disenchantment
echoing through the halls
voicing disappointment
quiet behind the walls
the words that told me
i was wrong.

set a table
feed us on the edge of war
secrets are behind the door
but your eyes tell all
and this kingdom falls a part.

run through the field
this is all a game
blackbirds and brightest days
fights i can't speak of
kites in the sky above
and i'll do anything for love.

i will go back, and till the land
i'll find you a friend
i'll hold your hand
i will run in the dark streets
and sit on the pavement 
under the stars.

Beneath the trees

beneath the trees
we dreamed
of sailing down river
pirates in the sun
never hungry, never wrong
with buried coins and summer songs
returning to Sunnyslope street
to sleep in warm bunk beds.

the years are a blur
of rainstorms and renegades
funerals and parades
you grew so fast
i saw the fire
layers of paint (and pain)
rebuilding Raven
rewriting stories

and some nights i wish
we weren't pirates in the storm
i wish i was hungry, always wrong
buried dreams and springtime songs
let's sail up the river
where things are small
and sit and dream
beneath the trees.

Hike

this fight, this hike
as the sun drops low
and gold light hovers
and covers this town
the train passes by 
without a glance
i'm missing my chance 
for escape.
my broken walking stick 
scraping the ground
the glass all around
glitters silently
awaiting my sermon.

i am a preacher
though i cannot speak
i will recite your recital
i will voice my confusion
untangle the vines
exposing the lies
humming in the storm.
sky is my witness:
let your words bring life
written in ink
bound on arms
inscribed on my feet
rings on my fingers
words scratched on copper
i cannot run from hope
let me not escape grace 
find gold in my proverbs
blood on the psalms
and dirt on my palms
because i fight for it. 

i still believe in you, father
new ground beneath my feet
your song in my mouth
strengthen my hands, come with me 
help me drink this cup.

Compass

morning is rain 
sunrise soft white 

sandals lead

to places i've seen

red rocks reach

clear rivers grow 

i was anything,

at least a year ago 

when you found me 

caught in the whirlwind

blazing in the fight 

young hearts bleed

coming into the light. 

look me in the eyes

send me up the mountain 

tell me to go and find

what i'm looking for 

my dreams of broken skies
questions i can't answer

you do not despise 

filtering sunlight

breathing desert dust

bleeding regret 

everything between us 

he drew us a map

the compass points on

i'm doing this wrong 

i'll think of you

when i greet the dawn.

Hands

hands like iron 
pray for us
hands are broken
bleed for what?
hands like leather 
hammer wood
hold together 
this dangerous dysfunction

they smell of pine sawdust
and gasoline
he wore a gold ring
promising her never to take it off
and he never has. 

spring 2011

Sailor

you're the same, you're different
do you remember? 
what do you know? 
i swear the earth moves beneath
when we're wandering
the clouds cry
when we're lost at sea
looking for dad
searching for healing 
the scars are for stories
the stars are enjoying
our every step

all of my stories blur into one.
 
i like the way you move
i know you, i understand
not everything, but more than you think
your mind turning
like the gears of my bike
your ship is sailing
at the end of this night
give me your backpack
give me those things
if i could carry the pain for you
i would.

River Real

eyes search beyond
or behind
smooth stones opened your eyes
mountains made me grow
a child came to life.
the songs forgotten
staring out the window
i've never been so hungry,
when we cried on the trails
burdens broken
the sound drowned out your tears
you have a voice-
like the rushing blue river real
a living promise.
cool pavement
thoughtful in the alley 
together in the streets
clean clothes, i kept the key  
freedom is the way you walk,
the way you never forget,
it's the color in your eyes.

remember
all the things that made me tremble
the hands that held mine
revealed the breaking
surrounding safe
fierce intention
made me cry 
bread and wine
i realize 
it hurts.

Solidify the Sunrise

and everyone tries
to solidify the sunrise
into stained glass and tigers eyes
angel dust crystallized
crayons and moonshine
bottled up and bootlegged
oil paints and portraits 
on canvas, false remakes

melted into silver chains
promise rings and bullet trains
golden clocks and hammered planes
mined and cut into lovers stones
diamonds set in shining gold
stuck into the fiery coals
little embers glow
and pretend to be the sun.

and while i love to play with fire 
find the colors, paint desire
breathe it, take it deep inside
reenact and symphonize 
i think today i'm quite all right 
with killing the clock
sitting down on the dock 
watch the colors dance across
and feel my heart stop.

spring 2009

Arms

summer falls drunk
in the house of winter
only to wake up
in the arms of Spring.

Roads/Remember

//restless//heartless//sleepless
mind is full of right and wrong
what the hell, this road i'm on?
a year ago i walked the same
(mis)trust, i'll always play this game
 of catch me if you can
(but what if they really can't?)

you've seen my death 
believe in my resurrection

open sky 
rain on me
wash the pretense
drown the defense
build me up 
like the castle in March 
like the forts in June 
on the edge of the forest 
calling my name- do you trust me? 
i heard inside, near tallest pine 
young and wild like the rugged west
quiet and clear like the eastern hills
highways stretching 
wandering roads remember
all the places i looked for you 
and you found me first. 

i've walked with death
but i remember Resurrection.

Pilgrim

i have a story
i can't even read
the dark pages i ignore,
you write with gold
you read outloud
to break the silent shame
the plot a plundering thief
the script a suffering piece
the fighting severe, sometimes it's killing me
tangible breaking, perfection is faking

i have a brother
hiking with me
dancing like david 
singing in the trees
we built ferocious fires
on the brink of the lake
broke bread and stayed up late
throwing rocks at the stillness,
you told me not to be so serious
dreaming of surfing and swordfish
adventure burns brightly in my mind
my only expectation.
 
i have a sea
that is waiting for me
riptides to tear me up
oceans to drink
words scratched in stone
never forgotten
these rivers are running
right into my chest

perched on the cliff
i could see for miles
the things i run from are deep inside me
lay down your backpack 
break the walking stick
wilderness open wide my heart
for the Mountains drown it all in grace

Lion Night

the silence glitters on the grass
resurrection every breath
streetlight to streetlight
realization is empty
grasping for reality
i cannot read your script
i cannot hear your symphony
but i hear your heavy heart
as you walk beside me 
and part the dark sea

(Jan. 15)

Dreamer

and the stories you sing
as you teach me to dream 
make the tears glisten
in my eyes as i listen 
and it's always a shock
to see you catch the drops
like i'm worth enough to stop
to sit with me up in the treetop
as the sunset bleeds over all of us 

(summer, 2010)

Here

eyes unrecognized 
i'm not here
i'm far away
washing my hands 
gentle with forgiveness
he told me he'd fight whoever did this

memories are shattered, scattered traces
nameless, faceless
i leave them behind 
pieces of pain
crystallized colors
things that i love
blur them into one pane
the most beautiful painting
deep and wide
arms outstretched contrast the sky

realization is stunning
like sharp winter air
running hard
on the heels of March
look at the scars, stare at the stars
smoke in my lungs 
on the roof of February 

Found

quiet, with no shoes
i broke the wall and
knew for certain
that i was Pain
and not a child
white hospital walls
tattoos, i still see them in my head
peace misunderstood, grace on their faces

when the sunlight hurt, beautiful and new 
you sent me down the tracks 
to look you in the eyes 
to find broken glass, and hold it up to the light
finding new things
i never knew i was okay,
until you found me.

September 16, 2012

it's dark, and the small things 
that sing quietly in the trees 
are the best sound i've ever heard
i feel small, too small
like i'd rather not speak
yell louder than the crashing waves
and beautiful songs
and everyone else's words of wisdom
i remember a time when you knew my name
& and maybe even what i was thinking
but sun's gone down and now i'm drinking 
the medicine that i made
turn my face towards the stars 
blur my eyes with tears 

You met me in the woods 
and up in the mountains, 
where the snow runs down to race the rivers
falling head over heels in love with Danger
you've kept me safe, you've tied the anchor
you want me around, you brought me here
so turn my face to the stars 
blur my eyes with tears
turn summer days to years 

"I'll never stop."

Red

words are nothing
i cannot speak
to summarize the silence
i cannot open 
these eyes wide enough
to see the colors
knuckles bleed on the wall

separate the sermons screaming
motivate the endless dreaming 
i cannot fake (my ears are ringing)
and these ancient
rivers stream as one 
the Nile's bleeding in the sun
and who's to say it shouldn't run?

the sun gave up, burned beautiful at the stake 
so stay up late
to watch the pain unpack
and set up camp on the carpet
building fires, telling stories
i would love to forget
and 3am comes silent
i'll borrow, never steal
disconnection is surreal
visions blurring, can i feel
okay


filter through the memories
what was that you said?
if only those words were printed Red

my deepest needs like little children
cry for you with open hands
and broken hearts will wait for dawn 
to drown the Darkness

V

caught between memories
faces i've seen shine bright
love like the ocean
doesn't care who you are, where you've been 
washes over like a riptide
like a summer night
like the bluest sky
everything hurts when you come near
nothing makes sense 
when you're hopping the fence
to dig in the graveyard
and resurrect this death
you know everything that's buried grows.

you've given me quiet streams
trails unending, mountains to reach
you're everything, you're too much
you're faster than me, you're face to face
to tell me that you're with me 
and I'm enough. 

i'm lifted up, i'm held by you
i'm not less, i'm not sinking, i'm not death
 i'm free like the mountainside
running like the river
i am a song that reverberates on these rocky trails.
 i'm not going anywhere too far from you

Daze/Days

yeah i threw away the map
i lost my shoes 
i cursed the sky
but i feel the pain with every breath
with every step
with every sigh

stretching like a landscape
the line i drew was right
painting like a preacher
tossing like the tide

the stars are begging ransom
the sea is reaching high
the trees are speaking poetry
my tears are running dry

Dusk

feet on the dirt path
the coin's inside the tree 
the treasure's at your feet 
eleven years of waiting
(surely it's forgotten me)
tunnels through the treeline
hopping over fences
silver buttons, gold ribbons
walnuts to warpaint, streaked on our faces
running 'til dusk settles

life is a haze
true and false and everything between
rainwater runs and blurs memories
like new binoculars and stranger conversation
i'm on the wrong side of the fence
most things don't make sense 
i'll never trust again
 "but i was young" that's my defense

Summer Tracks

run through tall grass
off the path
holes in my shoes, rips in my jeans
i'm searching for you, come alive
the sunlight stunning in the air
i've seen your smile, but it's been a year.

do you remember the rope swing?
and how we talked in the trees
cursing our parents cause we didnt know
fighting our friends for something to show
never thinking we could really leave
dreaming of neverland and stormy seas

meet me at the tracks
to rant and run and yell at the world
cry at the memories, laugh at the devil
breaking sticks and promises
throwing down what we couldn't carry
we're not much older really
you always make me smile
like kids in the quicksand
climbing cliffs with cigars and guns
praying for adventure (we knew it would come)

meet me at the tracks
trace the rusted steel
walk the line between fake and real
waiting for trains and transcendence
running from anyone, jumping the fences
tell me your stories and crazy dreams
i told you we'll fix the breaking seams

i tell you you're a poet and you tell me i'm a pirate,
and you love me anyways.

in the end we decided:
shoes are unnecessary 
mountains are in our wake
oceans are in our reach 
dreams are the road we take 

Seven seas

your silent sails sent me spinning
choking compass just beginning
create some plan, some road, some rope
to pull me out and send me home
i don't remember falling
just the softest earth below
i'm wishing in the dryest well
i'm digging for the gold.

i heard the daylight calling
i felt the tide, i swear
the broken only break things
so i will meet you there

i felt the deck beneath me
and the chains are a just a feeling
and the pain is always fleeting
so my sea legs carry on

kidnapped or runaway,
captain or stowaway?
is there a difference?

Seven seas and summer days, i am a slave to this
7 deadly sins, and on the Seventh day we rest.

Pirate

I was born a scoundrel

I sailed a different sea

Hook stood beside me always 

to catch my every dream 

you don't want to know me 

you cannot see the deep

I climb the highest clouds

but can't forget the misery 

the door swung wide to come for me 

the anchor sunk below 

the bloodline bought the bounty 

and I'm crying as it crows 

Peter walked on water 

to take hold of the truth

Peter went to never land

to hold onto his youth

I was born a dreamer 

I painted silver ships

I sat upon the seashore

with gleaming fingertips

find me at the bottle

forgetting all the pain 

find me at the river

remembering my name

Boomerang

late nights, old stories, new names 

you told me I've changed

and we barely slept. 

early morning i feel the pain

and we pack a few things 

like sweaters and boots and dangerous ideas

on the open highway, looking for mountains (and meaning)

yes we're half crazy

 but it's good to know 

that you want me safe

and you notice when I'm gone.

sad smile, hug me tightly

and tell me I don't have to call

and I wonder why I held your hand

chase me down

my heart is a boomerang 

try and catch it 

 but i know no one can.

Story

life began
i don't remember when 
it sent me on my way 
thru greengrass indian meadows
and rocky clay deserts, bleeding feet and clif bars
lost guitars and new jobs
to river rainforest and mountain crumbleroads
newspaper trails and hide &seek dumpsters
true friends and old ways
i found myself laughing (and even crying)
dazed and upside down, i run fast and fearless
(fearful)
lost, locked in and locked out

sunrise spoke to me and sunset found me
maybe because i learned how to listen and ask
i've seen beautiful things
this winding road i've biked and chased 
and i can never keep up
but i think that's the point. 

Young Blood

it's 2am, let this begin
my eyes are bright, my hands are cold
my right hand dripping red and gold 
i'll admit i'm hurt and free
despite the present treachery
you tell me that you'll come with me 
when i jump the passing train.
i'm scared as hell of life and love
and people who just see the good 
but here tonight (only with you) 
what fun to get arrested. 
i can't see straight, we're high on life
we're tripping on our own flight
you lost your shoes, and he gets the fine 
and i lose my mind tonight

these towers lead to heaven 
these tunnels lead to light

a cop somewhere is preaching 
the drunks, i hear them screeching
we're running and i'm reaching 
tell me i'm alive

we're dressed in black to mourn the loss
we're burning furnace, gold and dross
tomorrow find me at the cross
tell me i'm alive

Beggar

carry my afflictions
begging for your affections

testing your perfection 

king of thieves

like robin hood 

you broke the stocks

and paid for me 

your archery flight

crushing my crooked flint.

fend for myself 

crying outside the gate like Peter 

wash my feet again? 

stubbornness strong

will carry the church 

look me in the eyes, and i will walk on water.

Reach

my burning bones collapse
crimson thoughts compress
bleeding righteousness
or some kind of darkness?

break the bridges
you know you tear me up inside
you're right
i'm wrong
i'm wrong
(i'm wrong)

reach for father
he has nothing to say

reach for Father
He always wants me

Nov(ember) Burning

heavy my shoulders
tell me how you failed and keep failing
teach me of traps and cages
fractured bones and disappointment
chase me down to remind me i'm afraid.

[I will outrun you]

find me in the fields 
plaid jacket, no shoes
favorite mug full of tea
the sun sinks down
i'm drunk on desire
show me your smile 
tell me i'm not made of darkness
i dream while i'm awake 
i fight to the death
i can't change the past,
but you will not change my future.

 you're with me 
you're always the same
you don't change 
just new adventure and fading scars
teach me how to build fires 
show me beautiful maps
with coves and ports
deep wells and bright mountain trails
lift my eyes up from the ground
show me the sky.

Deep October

Roaring eyes, thunder beauty
gaze locked on stormy Father eyes
child of this, you lioness-
sing the drowning dreams to life
like lullabies, new battle cries
paint the swelling fading tide
open saddest prison eyes
bring the children into life.
golden robes, your passion rages
soft in sandals, filling pages-
honey drops on ivory
glimpsing slipping ships at sea
your feet have felt the waterfall
washing tears will always fall
crush the crimson brokenness
darkest earth like glory grips.
bringing bowls of amber sky
sunset spills and children drink
soil softens, grow the seed
like heaven earth inside of me
you are fascination -
lacing lakes
and tracing aches with light
daughter of Eden
turning graves into gardens
till the dirt, broken places
break through the spaces
gather desire,
hold tight to the embers
like bronzing shield walls
and arrows remember
but dare not hide
your softened eyes.
dance at dawn by teeming stream
and fall asleep in forestry
hidden oakwood wandering
to crumble at his feet.
flaming leap from bale to bale
dusk descending, summer veil

little girl, the Lion etching
harvest heart like fire catching -
"hold my hand, I'll show you free
dark eyed wonder-
drink
the
deep."

Pacific Humanity

the sky and the sea 

no definition, merging softly 

horizon hazy

blurred with fog 

why does the sea toss and turn

what terror does it witness? 

what pain has it passed over?

swallow me 'neath the tide

the blueing rise will hide 

my shallow sea legs

(I never could swim)

saltwater stinging

 like medicine burns 

down the desert dry throat 

of the restless weary 

ocean architecture 

pacific humanity ~
 let me wander 

Rain Barrel (september)

colossal things crumble 

when rain falls heavy 

to muddy the streets 

and wash the children

hiding draught and darkness

under watery wings.

to fill the cracks that groan inside

drown the weeds that grow beside

the rain barrel-spilling 

and the rivers running fast. 

open wide your clever eyes

see me standing close by

on soaked soil drinking deep.

my arms are breaking 

bright like glass

my mind is faking in this mess 

let's walk in the stormy downpour

the cloudy kingdom mourns the downfall

each raindrop an ocean, each minute a mile. 

wander to sunset where I'll find 

your smile.

Montauk Map

you are familiar 

like sandals on feet

and the sand in between 

and brightest eyes. 

sweatshirts, and hair in your face-

do you live in this place? 

or are you just visiting. 

the water rises in swells 

drenching my shorts 

all the ships in your ports 

may be sailing- 

but I'm still here. 

I can taste the salt, 

of every new sea, 

with it's watery colors

and ever-y tree 

is a story. 

the other side of the map. 

and the rocks hurt my feet

and the tears in my eyes-

'cause I'm happy.

you know this place, you're a sailboat , I know- 

and this harbor is home, beneath blue sky. 

I could write books about you 

you won't stop smiling 

your hands are cold 

and the tears in your eyes, 'cause you're happy.

Deep sea script

dream is real, not pretend

like the deep end 

crystallized memories

cut from the trees 

amber and honeybees. 

your branches sway, moved by the Wind

driftwood and glass bottle remnants 

traces of sand always linger. 

Braided beauty, i see the stories in your eyes 

what jungles have you wandered? what gardens do you hide? 

you're a kite!

glittering green 

woven from leaves 

head over heels in flight

you're a map! 

torn from a storybook

every cavern and hide

every treasure and tide

colored with ink 

your lions have no cages

your journal filled with pages

your play is bright but.the.stage.is.

white.

like a blank page, sail in the wind, write your lines

a beautiful shanty, deep sea script. 

salt stings, but you know how to heal

and befriend the shattered sharks like me

let's run away to sea

and never grow old. 

Falcon/flint

magnetic eyes
you terrify me, tranquilize
jet black night leopard 
bright eyed bird at morning breaking
frightless, not flightless
beautiful storm, brazen sword
a Falcon. 
a compass, a flinted arrow, a tidal rise 
you know the Way
and none can quench the fire, none can change your carbon mind
steel and fire heart, bright ember- alive and growing 
traced with silver, laced with gold
lens, lightning, compose frightening


son of thunder- i've heard you sing
swimming in the flood
i've seen the innocence in you 
follow the sky 
your father is with you. 

Deciphered Tiger

beautiful 
(intricate)
not delicate
I. will. decipher you.
pretend you're a clock
or a pocket watch
like precision, pristine machine
layers/locked up, rusted keys
you find strength in chains and pyrite pain. 


what makes you tick, where did your smile go? 
beautiful machinery.
combination, click, unwind
unlock, a flicker, flight, design


spinning statue, potters wheel 
code inscription, stainless steel
mechanical bee! wound up, no traction
cogs, encryption, fright and fraction 
closed, connected, perfect action
encased in layers- mirror distraction. 


Liar. 


you are wild fire
gold and desire 
not apparatus 
not a puzzle or trap 
not trickery
but a bleeding red Rose.
heart of stone, saturate- come alive
flaming flesh is brighter than light 
like a fiery Tiger. 
burning one, you are a storm, a rain dance-
a raging ocean, a painted sunset
not armour and idols, but a goddess
green and growing
you are poetry.

shining one, you are a sunrise
flight and freedom
singing child
my Beloved.

Desert Sky

Under the heavy desert sky
the rocky clay screams for life
and the stunning hills silently hope
for dark clouds and new rain.
the burdens hurt You and me both
the rocks crumble with dirt, and grow
in hatred and heaviness.
-reach for the cross-
where the pines watch silently
and sorrow knows when to lay down and sleep.
Broken, open- reach for life
the river begins here

Show me your pain, I will fight for you
Show me your Joy, let's dance in the rain
Show me your heart, I will only love you more.

Lost River

Dirt on my hands
My eyes are getting bluer, I hope. Like the sky.
I would much rather see the dirt on my hands, than find Dirt inside.
I'm learning how to run. And sometimes, I'm still a lonely wolf.
I don't bleed very much. Only for the right reasons, like running in the pines, up the mountains-sharp rocks and dusty desert skies.
Show me where the Lost river is.
Show me how to drink, and dunk my head
and wade out deep, up to my freckled shoulders
until the blue takes me under, and sharpens my fading memories.
Can you help me walk backwards? Way back...
'til my feet are small, and I'm not so old.
Where days are summer long, and dreamed through the night.
Maybe I'm too afraid, to look into those blue eyes and see the pain
maybe it hurts too much, to see blurry tears, cold and clear,
Like the river.
Wash my feet, Lord. And my hands, and my head too.

Tigers Untamed

My thoughts intertwine

like wisteria vine

interlocked boxes

~the wildest of foxes~

A dam of stone, a barbed wire fence, a series of bars and chains

And the saddest thing: I've quite forgotten where I put my keys.

While the endless wall of padlocks shudder, hoping to retire,

Behind the wall that none can scale, an ocean deep, a raging fire.

Where all the creatures fly unnamed

And all my tigers go untamed

If all the water filled my mind,

You'd find the fish of bigger kind.

And maybe someday I'll unlock

Trains will go and clocks will stop

Perhaps I'll open up with ease

Despite my many missing keys.

Lion Grass

Your ever-soaring, roaring wings

Can't hide the bitter pain within...

I've been peering deep inside

Counter-weighing loss and win

I sort through many bloody thorn

Searching past for origin

Boys that cry and babies born

I reach beyond where scars begin

I run my fingers on the pane

Feel the spiderwebbing dreams

I run my fingers on the pain

And feel the stinging, burning seams

Where do seeds grow lion grass?

Fix my shattered looking glass

When do scars imprint their shame?

Lets go back and change my name

How beautiful the shattered glass; 

The colors dance off silver lines

The cracks are roads; lets travel back 

And find the roots of ancient vines
 Chest deep in wandering, pondering, thinking
In your ocean I am sinking