pink from dust

push your finger through me

i have become liquid

i am cloud on the horizon 

pink from dust

push your finger through me 

i have become empty and slow

the pain has leaked out

the expectation low

i am left with a window 

look through it 

and see 

the sound of my spirit

 i heard the sound

the sound of my spirit 

cold air

stillness never noticed

calm, quiet

the moon is motionless

stars hang, waiting, watching

i heard the sound 

the sound of my spirit

and it’s hurting 

alley as long as a train, 

lights over most of it

the squares, cracks, gravel, pavement

i’ve ran freely and angry, 

fuming and manic, 

crying and laughing

me and my love have walked 

and fought 

and picked flowers

and gathered stuff 

out of the trash

we’ve walked and talked

looked forward

avoided each other’s eyes

held hands

it’s different in the dark

maybe more familiar 

one of the many roads we’ve walked 

we’ll walk so many more 

mothers

 

did you know that mothers 

maybe touch the deepest 

feel your heartbeat, still

feel you kick against

your surroundings 

did you know that mothers

maybe hurt you the most

hit you where you feel it

deep down, in the space 

where your lovable self is

where your heart beats

nov. 17th

on the edge of 28 years

it’s a little achy

i hold my breath in, even slightly

even when i’m relaxed

i’ve wanted to be older

i’ve thanked the stars, 

shocked that i’m here another year

and i want to be here every year

but it still feels strange

and i still don’t like my birthday 

but i want it

it’s uncomfortable, all the love

the words, the attention

lucky to have it, many dont 

it’s just what i want, what i don’t want

just what i need

but i don’t need anything 

when you touch me, 

my earth cracks

my muscles breathe

my heart beats

when you love me,

it shocks me

you are love- 

but i’m shocked it’s me here

in your waterfall

splashing my face 

in that healing 

that safety

i can’t think about getting older

i can’t think about one of us leaving

because neither one of us would be okay

a permanent change 

i could build a life, make a way

find beauty and experience

the way you’ve taught me so much about 

but i think about that,

and i feel the earth flip

i already feel the wound,

that’s bigger than the sky