46 stitches

46 stitches 

Is not enough 

to fix this heart 

grant me relief 

grant me restart 

hope and belief 

just torn apart 

it was trust in me 

it was all of my doing

what's built on me

becomes my undoing

I kicked 

I screamed 

I fought relentlessly 

And finally 

Finally 

You've broken me

Walking on Air

There are not enough words

To engage your attention

To measure and gauge 

This constant affliction 

All that I've done 

It plays in my head

Feeds in a loop

What I haven't said 

Turns into desire

Call it attraction

The bed of a man

Grants me distraction

So grant me relief 

I know something's wrong

Not that I feel it, 

All feelings gone

But I see it within me 

Internal bleeding 

Silent and subtle

All that I'm needing

So I hold my head up 

I hold it together

Take the edge off

Adapt to the weather

Breath and keep breathing

Try hard to care 

And going to work 

Is walking on air 

Free Fall

Free fall 

Into the emptiness 

Respond 

to the brokenness 

Reach out 

And touch this 

Make my bed 

In the valley 

of pilgrims regress 

Steady, rushing river 

Ease my tangled mind

Smooth my restless wounds 

And would you wash me within?

No new road 

Could grant me restart

No amount of rain

Could cleanse this heart.  

Trust

Come on 

Will you trust me? 

Let go of all doubting 

Jump off of that empty bridge 

Into my direction 

Come on 

Don't you know me? 

I know you completely 

Step off of that cliff 

Into my perfection

Come on

Don't you trust me? 

It hurts that you just don't 

Jump off of that lonely ledge 

Into my affection

Silver Heart

steady hazel eyes 

just like our father

you can see through the lies

you can feel through the rubble

steady silver heart 

just hidden from view

you've seen so many sunsets 

they just soaked into you 

I've seen you cry 

when you laugh too hard

I've seen you sleep

In the middle of the yard 

I saw you frown 

In that subtle way 

I saw you smile 

and it lit up the day

ER

I hold still 

and feel her rinse my wounds 

over and over again 

Each time the pain is fresh. 

Blonde hair and blue eyes

like me 

she is focused on the skin 

quietly answering my questions

Do you enjoy it? Do you like doing sutures?

stitch my skin up 

yeah, stitches are simple and easy 

it's one of the more enjoyable things

Depths

You cannot measure 

The depths of my depravity

You cannot wrap your arms around 

The width of this pain

And this I pray 

That you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend

what is the breadth and length 

and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

April Rain

April came

like a heavy rain 

reminders of pain

and the reasons why 

April rain 

to wash the stain 

future grace 

and a bluer sky

Realistic

The scars on my arms 

Make me look more realistic 

Because the inside of my heart

Looks nothing like the pictures